Cake Theory, The
£12.00
The Root Cause of Mental Illness as Discovered by a Patient.
By Alessandro Prian
ISBN: 978-1-84747-003-4
Published: 2006
Pages: 97
Key Themes: anti-psychiatry, humour, comic strips
Description
Never far from controversy, The Cake Theory is a fascinating autobiography and critique of current thinking on mental illness. Alessandro sets out to find the root cause of his own, and then other peoples', mental ill health with often humorous and surprising results. Prian writes with sensitivity, maturity, vigour, intelligence and brilliant comedy in an enlightening, refreshing and intriguing fashion.
About the Author
Having a history of mental illness and being diagnosed with manic depression (which I dispute) I feel it only right that I contribute with my own ideas on mental health. I call my idea 'The Cake Theory', this is because schizophrenia and other mental disorders have more than one contributing factor and there are a variety of ingredients needed to develop it just as there are a number of ingredients that make up a cake.
Book Extract
In early Egypt mental illness was believed to be caused by environmental factors like the loss of status or being made destitute. The treatment involved talking about your problems and turning to religion and faith. It was acceptable to commit suicide at the time. Later the ancient Egyptians changed the theory and decided all illnesses have physical causes. They thought the heart was the root cause of mental illness.
As history progressed, the notion that the victim was to blame became the accepted norm. Explanations like evil spirits and moral decline created the stigma that is still evident today. In the 13th Century in the United Kingdom one of the first mental institutions was established. The infamous Bedlam was a place where the mentally ill were chained to walls and society conveniently forgot about their existence. Patients were later referred to as 'inmates' and there was no distinction between the mentally ill and the criminally insane. Patients were crowded into dark cells sometimes sleeping five to a mattress near damp floors, firmly chained in position. There was no fresh air or light and they were regularly whipped and beaten. It's important to remember that this was a period when the Church governed and dictated society. This only strengthened the theory that the mentally ill were the work of the devil. Some of the mentally ill were even put to death.
An American colonist referred to the mentally ill as 'lunatics'. This word comes from the word lunar meaning moon because it was thought the moon had something to do with the root cause of mental illness. Methods of treatment involved submerging the patient in iced baths until they lost consciousness, induced vomiting and the notorious bleeding practice. This procedure involved cutting the patient and draining the bad blood however it usually resulted in the death of the individual.
The first mental asylum in America opened in 1769 founded by Benjamin Rush. He also became known as America's first psychiatrist and other asylums were opened all over the country. Rush decided to abolish whips, chains and straitjackets, however he introduced his own method of keeping control of the patient. The chair which can be seen below was his personal favourite and at the time it was considered a lot more humane than being chained to a wall. Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) was the founder of the psychoanalysis movement. Freud introduced the theory that patients classified as hysterics might have purely psychological factors contributing to their illness rather than organic brain disease. Freud was born at a time when most of Europe was changing from an agricultural society into an industrialized one. This was an era of new inventions and technological developments and he decided that the mind of a man could be just as complicated and as intricate as a machine. He developed the theory that the mind has many hidden and deep layers which are all governed by the unconscious. He concluded that people with chronic mental illness have a fixation and obsession with the anal region. He believed this fixation originated from a childhood desire of getting pleasure from going to the toilet and a perversion from an infantile age. The mental person's deep dark hidden secret of the unconscious mind.
In the 1930's a new cure for the mentally ill was discovered called lobotomy, and Walter J. Freemen developed the trans-orbital technique. This procedure was performed by sedating the patient and applying quick shocks to the head. One of the eyelids was rolled back and a needle the size of a thin pencil was inserted into the patients head. The device was hammered in to position after which a swinging motion of the needle was created within the patient's skull. Lobotomy became common practice and it was only after the death of many patients that it was abolished. This period also saw a rise in the number of patients undergoing electro convulsive treatment (ECT). Because the level of electricity was so high some patients died or suffered brain damage. In the 1950's the medical profession introduced an anti-psychotic drug called Thorazine for the treatment of the mentally ill. Anti -psychotic medication helped shorten the length of time patients spent in institutions. In fact there was a decline in asylum populations and though patients are no longer physically detained many feel imprisoned within their own minds.
Showing posts with label Bipolar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bipolar. Show all posts
Friday, 21 September 2007
Burning Candle by Terence Beresford
Burning Candle
£12.00
By Terence Beresford
ISBN: 978-1-84747-108-6
Published: 2007
Pages: 173
Key Themes: poetry, manic depression, bi-polar disorder, grief
Description
Terry Beresford's Poems describe the experiences of manic depression and the range of emotions that this illness brings. A consistent theme through the poetry is Terry's experiences as a fire fighter and how this has shaped his view of the World and events such as 9/11. Terry is an accomplished poet, his poems are heartfelt, assured and full of pathos.
About the Author
Terry has been married for 36 years and has 3 children. He grew up in Rainham, Essex and in 1966 joined the Fire Service, serving in the East End of London for nearly 20 years. In 1985 Terry suffered an accident which forced him to retire. Since 1990 Terry has been diagnosed with manic depression, he was prompted to write poetry to come to terms with his illness. Many of Terry’s poems were written while he was in the depths of depression. Terry is a volunteer with Basildon Mind where, for 13 years, he has helped with their counselling service. Terry’s hobbies include collecting Fire Service memorabilia and writing. He has written four books to date, ‘Burning Candle’ is his second to be published.
Book Extract
GLAD AND SAD
Winter comes, we are sad
Summer here we are glad
Raindrops on our face
The sun within your heart
Go with the flow, at your pace
Stick with nature, don’t grow apart
Butterflies, they come and go
Buds flower, they have made a start
Birds duck and dive in the skies
Bees and wasps fly around the flowers
Pollinating and feeding all day
It comes and goes, glad and sad
Sit down; relax in sun’s warm rays
Imagine the sun is all around for days
No winter in your heart.
GO WITH THE FLOW
It came upon me in a different way,
It ripped my guts away
Damage done, for all to see,
So powerful, fearful, just not me.
Perhaps next time I’ll kill
No way – not on – time to change
It caught me out, no time to run,
But my memory stays intact.
To recall, Assess and plan defeat
Return the compliment that’s what I’ll do
Surprise, Change tack, beat the bum,
Fight, keep on, it’ll soon come.
Albeit a different way.
Boundaries 'amust, to save defeat
Others must guide me though.
If we are to gain our goal
In cotton wool I’ll win the war,
Is that a lot to ask?
Prove myself, no need for me
An open book I feel.
Slow down, take nothing on
GOING TO THE DOGS
Oh sister dear, I have a fear
It’s money down the drain, no less,
Traps one to six, oh what a fix,
The form, the odds, the silly sods
They know not head from tail.
Winners, losers, join the club,
Friday comes, you’ll need a sub
Have a drink, a bite to eat,
Tote is open, bookies to beat
Second last race! – it’s 9.30
A fiver? Bus fare home!
Honour Cheryl, A lively bitch,
Let’s put it on, I’ll have to hitch
In hot pursuit my dog leads,
It takes them all by storm,
Quids in now! A slap up feast,
Chicken legs and diet coke, oh no!
A Chinese, A drink and a bone for the beast!
£12.00
By Terence Beresford
ISBN: 978-1-84747-108-6
Published: 2007
Pages: 173
Key Themes: poetry, manic depression, bi-polar disorder, grief
Description
Terry Beresford's Poems describe the experiences of manic depression and the range of emotions that this illness brings. A consistent theme through the poetry is Terry's experiences as a fire fighter and how this has shaped his view of the World and events such as 9/11. Terry is an accomplished poet, his poems are heartfelt, assured and full of pathos.
About the Author
Terry has been married for 36 years and has 3 children. He grew up in Rainham, Essex and in 1966 joined the Fire Service, serving in the East End of London for nearly 20 years. In 1985 Terry suffered an accident which forced him to retire. Since 1990 Terry has been diagnosed with manic depression, he was prompted to write poetry to come to terms with his illness. Many of Terry’s poems were written while he was in the depths of depression. Terry is a volunteer with Basildon Mind where, for 13 years, he has helped with their counselling service. Terry’s hobbies include collecting Fire Service memorabilia and writing. He has written four books to date, ‘Burning Candle’ is his second to be published.
Book Extract
GLAD AND SAD
Winter comes, we are sad
Summer here we are glad
Raindrops on our face
The sun within your heart
Go with the flow, at your pace
Stick with nature, don’t grow apart
Butterflies, they come and go
Buds flower, they have made a start
Birds duck and dive in the skies
Bees and wasps fly around the flowers
Pollinating and feeding all day
It comes and goes, glad and sad
Sit down; relax in sun’s warm rays
Imagine the sun is all around for days
No winter in your heart.
GO WITH THE FLOW
It came upon me in a different way,
It ripped my guts away
Damage done, for all to see,
So powerful, fearful, just not me.
Perhaps next time I’ll kill
No way – not on – time to change
It caught me out, no time to run,
But my memory stays intact.
To recall, Assess and plan defeat
Return the compliment that’s what I’ll do
Surprise, Change tack, beat the bum,
Fight, keep on, it’ll soon come.
Albeit a different way.
Boundaries 'amust, to save defeat
Others must guide me though.
If we are to gain our goal
In cotton wool I’ll win the war,
Is that a lot to ask?
Prove myself, no need for me
An open book I feel.
Slow down, take nothing on
GOING TO THE DOGS
Oh sister dear, I have a fear
It’s money down the drain, no less,
Traps one to six, oh what a fix,
The form, the odds, the silly sods
They know not head from tail.
Winners, losers, join the club,
Friday comes, you’ll need a sub
Have a drink, a bite to eat,
Tote is open, bookies to beat
Second last race! – it’s 9.30
A fiver? Bus fare home!
Honour Cheryl, A lively bitch,
Let’s put it on, I’ll have to hitch
In hot pursuit my dog leads,
It takes them all by storm,
Quids in now! A slap up feast,
Chicken legs and diet coke, oh no!
A Chinese, A drink and a bone for the beast!
Bi-Polar Expedition By Neil Walton
Bi-Polar Expedition
£12.00
By Neil Walton
ISBN: 978-1-84747-123-9
Published: 2007
Pages: 220
Key Themes: bi-polar disorder, manic depression, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism
Description
With this book about severe bi-polar disorder, Neil Walton gives the reader a real insight into what it is like to live with this common, yet misunderstood and often seriously debilitating illness. Neil's life has been something of a journey of self-realisation and enlightenment, a bi-polar expedition indeed! Neil's story reflects his many experiences; from struggling with drink to numerous nervous breakdowns and problems with family and relationships. This is a book which will appeal to many but in particular to those who have had similar experiences to Neil's. A book that will help people come to terms with their illness, as Neil has. A book that could save lives!
About the Author
After my second breakdown, a friend of mine said casually one afternoon, "Why don't you write a book about your experiences, it might help people in the same situation as yourself." I dismissed the idea as ludicrous saying "who would be interested in a book by me?" I didn't read books, much less write them, and besides my spelling and punctuation were crap! Three years later, after my fourth nervous breakdown, my friend's suggestion came to the fore. I began jotting down notes. Three months later, after reading over my notes, I saw the possibilities of a short book.
I took the idea to my Occupational Therapist (OT) and waited for fits of raucous laughter. Amazingly she approved. I couldn't believe anybody would actually take me seriously. I joined an editorial team called 'Equilibrium,' which produces a quarterly newsletter covering mental health issues in the Haringey, London area. On my first day there I tentatively mentioned my book about being diagnosed with bi-polar to the facilitator, Julia Bard. I sat back in my chair and waited for a pat on the head, followed by a bout of uncontrollable apoplexy. Julia's concise reply was "That's a great idea, strong subject too." She asked me to bring in my work so that the team could edit it and use it in our next edition. Well slap me with a four-pound trout!! That was the first time my scribblings had been described as work. That was May 1999.
In the summer of 2001, I passed my GCSE English Language exams with C and B grades. Not bad for a forty-three year old manic depressive!!
My book, 'Bi-polar Expedition' turned out to be much bigger than I had imagined it would be, I sincerely hope you find it useful.
Book Extract
I had been on the missing list for sometime; ignoring the phone, the door and the outside world. My mind and body had taken such a battering over the past three years, (1986-89) and I just couldn't take it any more. I didn’t have the energy for conversation. My brain was on overload and my body was paralysed and lethargic. I had turned into an introvert, the direct opposite of my usual character. My arms and legs were like lead and I felt bone cold, as if my core temperature was lower than any body else's. Add to that a poor diet and a feeling of utter worthlessness; I was a sorry example of a human being.
I had a loop-tape of losses and problems to come relentlessly playing in my head. The only thing that stopped this tape was sleep - the next step was obvious. I was at breaking point. If I could have laid my hands on a gun... I might not be here now. Only a fellow sufferer or a specialist would understand the mental pain I was experiencing. I found a scalpel blade in my toolbox and went into my bedroom closing the door behind me. I gazed at the sterilised Swan & Morton for hours on end, the loop-tape still playing. I slept most of the time. But there were those awful four to six hours spent awake, going over and over the reasons for ending my life. Why was this happening to me? What had I done to deserve this treatment from life? The answer of course was nothing.
I began nicking at the skin on my left arm just to test the pain factor. With a brand new blade it was quite painless. Then I cut deeper into my arm making seven to eight cuts between my forearm and biceps. I watched as my blood pumped from the wounds. I laid there in a cold sweat as it trickled down my arm and soaked into the duvet cover. Sometime later, I reached for my lighter and cigarettes which were on the bedside cabinet. I was momentarily prevented as the duvet cover was firmly stuck to my forearm with congealed blood. As I pulled it away from my arm, it opened four of the cuts I had inflicted on myself. I remember thinking that this wasn’t going to be easy. The pain was so severe that I had to stop and think of an alternative way to end it all. The options seemed endless at the time. What about an overdose of paracetamol? How many would I have to take? If I could have been sure that I would have just gone to sleep and not woken up to being resuscitated, I might have chosen that option. As it was, I continued questioning each form of suicide but had no answers - looking back it probably saved me. My lethargy was so painfully strong that I couldn’t find the energy to drag myself to the chemist, only a hundred feet from my front door. I drank a glass of water, lit another cigarette and laid there wondering what to do next.
I thought long and hard about my sons, Jack and Daniel, who I think played a key factor of my survival. How could I even think of leaving them fatherless? I felt so selfish and yet in so much pain. Suicide or death in general seems so unfair. You die and everybody who knows you suffers in one way or another. What a dilemma, what a guilt trip, as if I didn’t feel bad enough already. I went back to sleep with thoughts of my parents, children and close friends on my mind.
I came to in the early hours of the morning, with tears streaming down my face I said out loud, “Oh Christ no, not another day, why can’t I just die in my sleep?” You see the tape kicks in the second you’re conscious. Shit, shit, shit, why was I taking this out on myself? Hours later I began to pick at the tendons on my left wrist with the blade. I wondered how long it would take to die. More importantly, how painful would it be? Would my heart simply stop? Maybe my lungs would cease functioning? How was I going to breathe? As you can see my sense of logic and reasoning was out to lunch.
My indecision was getting as bad as the loop-tape. I wanted the death part but without the pain, I should be so lucky! If I slashed my wrist I would have to cut through my tendons, something I hadn’t contemplated until now. I followed a vein from my forearm to the base of my biceps with the scalpel blade. In the crease of my left arm I had a bigger target and no visible tendons. All I had to do now was push the blade in. I stabbed either side of the vein. Forty-eight hours later I was still deliberating about my attempted suicide.
I heard the third dawn chorus - you wouldn’t believe the row those bloody birds made first thing in the morning. My next stop was going to be my garage, quiet and dark all the time - perfect. I guess I had it in mind to starve my self to death. If that were the case why was I contemplating taking bottles of water with me? Probably to keep my mouth and throat lubricated as I am a heavy smoker. So, with a supply of H20 and as many fags as I could carry, this being my only source of nutrition in the last seventy-two hours, the next task would have been to haul the mattress off of my bed and dump it in the garage. But I was so weak I couldn’t shift it off the bed. Let alone pull it down two flights of stairs and drag it across the car park. It has been said that to take your life is the coward’s way out. Yeah, bollocks it is!
What caused my suicide attempt was a catalogue of disasters one after another over a three-year period. They plunged me slowly and painfully into clinical depression. I was powerless to stop it and the last person to know I was ill.
After three days I eventually answered the door. It was Bill, a close friend and school mate of mine. “We’ve been concerned about you mate, so has your Mum, nobody has heard from you in a while, we just wondered if you were all right?” “Yeah, sorry mate,” I replied. “I’m okay, I just feel a bit tired that’s all apart from that I’m fine.” I tried to make small talk to mask my real feelings but Bill saw through this like a glass book.
I couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer. The smile disappeared from my face and my head fell forward into my hands. I showed him my arm. “Why am I doing this to myself Bill?” He was very calm about the situation. “You’ve had a lot of stress in the last three years, things that were out of your control. Basically it’s affected your health.”
Bill’s mother-in-law had been in the nursing profession for over twenty years and saw my break-down coming. It was she who advised Bill on how to help me I later found out. The advice was simple. Without too much fuss, get Neil to his doctor, he is suffering from clinical depression. Bill’s words to me were, “I think we should make a trip to the quacks, what do you reckon?” “I know I’m not a hundred percent,” I said, “but is it really that serious?” He just shut his eyes and nodded a couple of times. Pre-empting my answer Bill had already phoned my GP - they were just waiting for us to arrive. “Could you take me?” I asked. “The car’s outside mate,” he said. “What, today? … What, now?” “When you’re ready,” he replied.
Bill was the sort of friend you could trust with your life. For him to be worried about me I knew I had to put my faith, what was left of it, in his judgement. I made another pot of tea, the British thing to do in a situation like this. I sat down to let the information sink in, not realising just how life-altering this visit to the doctor’s was going to be.
When we arrived at the surgery the receptionist showed us straight into my doctor’s room. She asked me some questions relating to diet, sleep pattern and motivation. My reply to all three was just one word, “Poor.” The final question from my doctor, knowing in my heart it was rhetorical, was the hardest, shortest and the most painful I have ever had to answer. There was a terrible, sickening silence after she said the words “Have you tried to harm yourself in anyway?” “Yes,” I said quietly. After that I don’t remember speaking any more. I was mentally exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion. I had to let Bill take over the proceedings. He asked my GP what the next step was. Doctor Gibbon replied, “I think it would be best for Neil to see Dr. Gadhvi, the head psychiatrist at Claybury Hospital. I have made an appointment for Neil to see him this afternoon. I need a second opinion. Based on his report Neil may have to go into hospital for a short time.”
Things were moving too quickly for me, with talk of head shrinks and hospitals, but I was in no fit state to argue. I was swept along with the tide after that. This was starting to feel like a sad episode of “Casualty” come to life. Karen Gibbon was a kind, caring and considerate person. She made sure I understood what was going on, without belittling me, emphasising that a stay in hospital would be probable, after my consultation with the other doctor. Family and friends had carefully planned my path towards hospital; the trip to the trick-cyclist was a mere formality.
After visiting Dr Gadhvi my fate was secured. I fell silent again. This was too much to cope with. Bill took over as my ears, eyes and brain. At the end of the consultation it was decided that I would go in hospital as a voluntary patient for a minimum of two weeks. Technically I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, but I was informed I could leave the hospital any time I liked. Bill asked the doctor when this would happen and was told, “There will be a bed ready for him tonight. Perhaps this afternoon you could help Neil pack a bag,” Bill nodded in agreement. Christ, what do I pack? I’ve never been in hospital before, let alone a nut house. What the fuck is it going to be like in there? Of course I had a vivid picture in my mind, who wouldn’t? At this point I was petrified and powerless.
This was another situation that was totally out of my control. My life was now in other people's hands. I didn’t like it one little bit. Bill was still on hand for support, and later that evening he ferried me to the hospital. It was only a short ride, but I remained quiet for hours as I remember. Communication was down to hearing and nodding only. I didn’t have the strength for anything else.
£12.00
By Neil Walton
ISBN: 978-1-84747-123-9
Published: 2007
Pages: 220
Key Themes: bi-polar disorder, manic depression, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism
Description
With this book about severe bi-polar disorder, Neil Walton gives the reader a real insight into what it is like to live with this common, yet misunderstood and often seriously debilitating illness. Neil's life has been something of a journey of self-realisation and enlightenment, a bi-polar expedition indeed! Neil's story reflects his many experiences; from struggling with drink to numerous nervous breakdowns and problems with family and relationships. This is a book which will appeal to many but in particular to those who have had similar experiences to Neil's. A book that will help people come to terms with their illness, as Neil has. A book that could save lives!
About the Author
After my second breakdown, a friend of mine said casually one afternoon, "Why don't you write a book about your experiences, it might help people in the same situation as yourself." I dismissed the idea as ludicrous saying "who would be interested in a book by me?" I didn't read books, much less write them, and besides my spelling and punctuation were crap! Three years later, after my fourth nervous breakdown, my friend's suggestion came to the fore. I began jotting down notes. Three months later, after reading over my notes, I saw the possibilities of a short book.
I took the idea to my Occupational Therapist (OT) and waited for fits of raucous laughter. Amazingly she approved. I couldn't believe anybody would actually take me seriously. I joined an editorial team called 'Equilibrium,' which produces a quarterly newsletter covering mental health issues in the Haringey, London area. On my first day there I tentatively mentioned my book about being diagnosed with bi-polar to the facilitator, Julia Bard. I sat back in my chair and waited for a pat on the head, followed by a bout of uncontrollable apoplexy. Julia's concise reply was "That's a great idea, strong subject too." She asked me to bring in my work so that the team could edit it and use it in our next edition. Well slap me with a four-pound trout!! That was the first time my scribblings had been described as work. That was May 1999.
In the summer of 2001, I passed my GCSE English Language exams with C and B grades. Not bad for a forty-three year old manic depressive!!
My book, 'Bi-polar Expedition' turned out to be much bigger than I had imagined it would be, I sincerely hope you find it useful.
Book Extract
I had been on the missing list for sometime; ignoring the phone, the door and the outside world. My mind and body had taken such a battering over the past three years, (1986-89) and I just couldn't take it any more. I didn’t have the energy for conversation. My brain was on overload and my body was paralysed and lethargic. I had turned into an introvert, the direct opposite of my usual character. My arms and legs were like lead and I felt bone cold, as if my core temperature was lower than any body else's. Add to that a poor diet and a feeling of utter worthlessness; I was a sorry example of a human being.
I had a loop-tape of losses and problems to come relentlessly playing in my head. The only thing that stopped this tape was sleep - the next step was obvious. I was at breaking point. If I could have laid my hands on a gun... I might not be here now. Only a fellow sufferer or a specialist would understand the mental pain I was experiencing. I found a scalpel blade in my toolbox and went into my bedroom closing the door behind me. I gazed at the sterilised Swan & Morton for hours on end, the loop-tape still playing. I slept most of the time. But there were those awful four to six hours spent awake, going over and over the reasons for ending my life. Why was this happening to me? What had I done to deserve this treatment from life? The answer of course was nothing.
I began nicking at the skin on my left arm just to test the pain factor. With a brand new blade it was quite painless. Then I cut deeper into my arm making seven to eight cuts between my forearm and biceps. I watched as my blood pumped from the wounds. I laid there in a cold sweat as it trickled down my arm and soaked into the duvet cover. Sometime later, I reached for my lighter and cigarettes which were on the bedside cabinet. I was momentarily prevented as the duvet cover was firmly stuck to my forearm with congealed blood. As I pulled it away from my arm, it opened four of the cuts I had inflicted on myself. I remember thinking that this wasn’t going to be easy. The pain was so severe that I had to stop and think of an alternative way to end it all. The options seemed endless at the time. What about an overdose of paracetamol? How many would I have to take? If I could have been sure that I would have just gone to sleep and not woken up to being resuscitated, I might have chosen that option. As it was, I continued questioning each form of suicide but had no answers - looking back it probably saved me. My lethargy was so painfully strong that I couldn’t find the energy to drag myself to the chemist, only a hundred feet from my front door. I drank a glass of water, lit another cigarette and laid there wondering what to do next.
I thought long and hard about my sons, Jack and Daniel, who I think played a key factor of my survival. How could I even think of leaving them fatherless? I felt so selfish and yet in so much pain. Suicide or death in general seems so unfair. You die and everybody who knows you suffers in one way or another. What a dilemma, what a guilt trip, as if I didn’t feel bad enough already. I went back to sleep with thoughts of my parents, children and close friends on my mind.
I came to in the early hours of the morning, with tears streaming down my face I said out loud, “Oh Christ no, not another day, why can’t I just die in my sleep?” You see the tape kicks in the second you’re conscious. Shit, shit, shit, why was I taking this out on myself? Hours later I began to pick at the tendons on my left wrist with the blade. I wondered how long it would take to die. More importantly, how painful would it be? Would my heart simply stop? Maybe my lungs would cease functioning? How was I going to breathe? As you can see my sense of logic and reasoning was out to lunch.
My indecision was getting as bad as the loop-tape. I wanted the death part but without the pain, I should be so lucky! If I slashed my wrist I would have to cut through my tendons, something I hadn’t contemplated until now. I followed a vein from my forearm to the base of my biceps with the scalpel blade. In the crease of my left arm I had a bigger target and no visible tendons. All I had to do now was push the blade in. I stabbed either side of the vein. Forty-eight hours later I was still deliberating about my attempted suicide.
I heard the third dawn chorus - you wouldn’t believe the row those bloody birds made first thing in the morning. My next stop was going to be my garage, quiet and dark all the time - perfect. I guess I had it in mind to starve my self to death. If that were the case why was I contemplating taking bottles of water with me? Probably to keep my mouth and throat lubricated as I am a heavy smoker. So, with a supply of H20 and as many fags as I could carry, this being my only source of nutrition in the last seventy-two hours, the next task would have been to haul the mattress off of my bed and dump it in the garage. But I was so weak I couldn’t shift it off the bed. Let alone pull it down two flights of stairs and drag it across the car park. It has been said that to take your life is the coward’s way out. Yeah, bollocks it is!
What caused my suicide attempt was a catalogue of disasters one after another over a three-year period. They plunged me slowly and painfully into clinical depression. I was powerless to stop it and the last person to know I was ill.
After three days I eventually answered the door. It was Bill, a close friend and school mate of mine. “We’ve been concerned about you mate, so has your Mum, nobody has heard from you in a while, we just wondered if you were all right?” “Yeah, sorry mate,” I replied. “I’m okay, I just feel a bit tired that’s all apart from that I’m fine.” I tried to make small talk to mask my real feelings but Bill saw through this like a glass book.
I couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer. The smile disappeared from my face and my head fell forward into my hands. I showed him my arm. “Why am I doing this to myself Bill?” He was very calm about the situation. “You’ve had a lot of stress in the last three years, things that were out of your control. Basically it’s affected your health.”
Bill’s mother-in-law had been in the nursing profession for over twenty years and saw my break-down coming. It was she who advised Bill on how to help me I later found out. The advice was simple. Without too much fuss, get Neil to his doctor, he is suffering from clinical depression. Bill’s words to me were, “I think we should make a trip to the quacks, what do you reckon?” “I know I’m not a hundred percent,” I said, “but is it really that serious?” He just shut his eyes and nodded a couple of times. Pre-empting my answer Bill had already phoned my GP - they were just waiting for us to arrive. “Could you take me?” I asked. “The car’s outside mate,” he said. “What, today? … What, now?” “When you’re ready,” he replied.
Bill was the sort of friend you could trust with your life. For him to be worried about me I knew I had to put my faith, what was left of it, in his judgement. I made another pot of tea, the British thing to do in a situation like this. I sat down to let the information sink in, not realising just how life-altering this visit to the doctor’s was going to be.
When we arrived at the surgery the receptionist showed us straight into my doctor’s room. She asked me some questions relating to diet, sleep pattern and motivation. My reply to all three was just one word, “Poor.” The final question from my doctor, knowing in my heart it was rhetorical, was the hardest, shortest and the most painful I have ever had to answer. There was a terrible, sickening silence after she said the words “Have you tried to harm yourself in anyway?” “Yes,” I said quietly. After that I don’t remember speaking any more. I was mentally exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion. I had to let Bill take over the proceedings. He asked my GP what the next step was. Doctor Gibbon replied, “I think it would be best for Neil to see Dr. Gadhvi, the head psychiatrist at Claybury Hospital. I have made an appointment for Neil to see him this afternoon. I need a second opinion. Based on his report Neil may have to go into hospital for a short time.”
Things were moving too quickly for me, with talk of head shrinks and hospitals, but I was in no fit state to argue. I was swept along with the tide after that. This was starting to feel like a sad episode of “Casualty” come to life. Karen Gibbon was a kind, caring and considerate person. She made sure I understood what was going on, without belittling me, emphasising that a stay in hospital would be probable, after my consultation with the other doctor. Family and friends had carefully planned my path towards hospital; the trip to the trick-cyclist was a mere formality.
After visiting Dr Gadhvi my fate was secured. I fell silent again. This was too much to cope with. Bill took over as my ears, eyes and brain. At the end of the consultation it was decided that I would go in hospital as a voluntary patient for a minimum of two weeks. Technically I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, but I was informed I could leave the hospital any time I liked. Bill asked the doctor when this would happen and was told, “There will be a bed ready for him tonight. Perhaps this afternoon you could help Neil pack a bag,” Bill nodded in agreement. Christ, what do I pack? I’ve never been in hospital before, let alone a nut house. What the fuck is it going to be like in there? Of course I had a vivid picture in my mind, who wouldn’t? At this point I was petrified and powerless.
This was another situation that was totally out of my control. My life was now in other people's hands. I didn’t like it one little bit. Bill was still on hand for support, and later that evening he ferried me to the hospital. It was only a short ride, but I remained quiet for hours as I remember. Communication was down to hearing and nodding only. I didn’t have the strength for anything else.
Bi-Polar Dreams By Frederic Benson
Bi-Polar Dreams
£14.99
By Frederic Benson
ISBN: 978-1-84747-164-2
Published: 2007
Pages: 230
Key Themes: bi-polar disorder, manic depression, poetry
Description
This book comprises of creative poems and coherent prose, which give you an honest insight into manic depression. This book is a very honest, real and therefore a, sometimes disturbing account of bi-polar disorder. It gives you an emotive insight into Frederick Benson's life.
About the Author
Frederic Benson has written this book as a form of empowerment. His manic depression is expressed in a frank way to give you a clearer understanding of mental illness. It is a combination of fiction and non-fiction.
Book Extract
I am the castle on the mountain,
The spire on the church,
I fly like the lightning,
Standing atop the Earth,
And with my fists I can smash through planets,
Plunging through the core,
Tearing at heat itself,
I am the fiery lightning, the electric beast,
I can paint with the stars,
And wield the sun,
Blazing through time with fire and hate,
I can build, I can destroy,
I can create, I can crush,
I can trample the Earth,
And everything in it,
I am the dragon, the demon,
The flaming eyes of God,
I see all & I know the Earth,
The world is mine in my werewolf state,
And I pine for the thorns,
As I crush the rose that dies,
I am the devil warlord,
The screaming banshee of blood,
I am the manic monster,
And the Earth is mine!
As I fly with the flame,
Up to the darkened sun filled sky,
And I fall back to Earth,
Crashing through Darkness,
Plunging through shadow,
Till I smash on the rocks below…
Then there is darkness,
The bitter light is gone,
And I am left melting,
In the stabbing acid glare of a citrus bulb,
My mind is dripping through a sieve,
What was once a tight knot is unravelling,
I can feel a damp coffin around me,
I am decaying alive.
Melting into the foul earth,
My eyes, once flame are now liquid,
Warmly dripping down my cheeks,
I am blind and cold,
The light is gone and my blood is stale,
I am the squashed insect between your fingers,
I am the miserably failed road kill,
Crushed,
Void of smiles,
Void of life,.
I slither in the mud.
My skin is leaving me,
Unshielded as the birds peck at my bloody flesh,
Trodden by the snail crusher,
Weak at the neck,
Hanging from the cliff,
Nailed to my grave,
Trapped inside my hole,
Prisoner to my mind,
Melted into darkness,
Where God is left behind,
Truly alone and abandoned to hell,
There is nothing but gloom,
And death from the well,
So crushed and beguiled,
I cry with my blood,
And then I tear myself up from the ground!
As I fly up again,
The diamond kite,
The electric firework charge, soaring through the starry bleak,
Blazing through the sky again,
Tearing the air asunder as I wail,
I am the reaper’s fiery blade,
Beautiful & crazy,
With a hunger,
For Death,
And Blood.
£14.99
By Frederic Benson
ISBN: 978-1-84747-164-2
Published: 2007
Pages: 230
Key Themes: bi-polar disorder, manic depression, poetry
Description
This book comprises of creative poems and coherent prose, which give you an honest insight into manic depression. This book is a very honest, real and therefore a, sometimes disturbing account of bi-polar disorder. It gives you an emotive insight into Frederick Benson's life.
About the Author
Frederic Benson has written this book as a form of empowerment. His manic depression is expressed in a frank way to give you a clearer understanding of mental illness. It is a combination of fiction and non-fiction.
Book Extract
I am the castle on the mountain,
The spire on the church,
I fly like the lightning,
Standing atop the Earth,
And with my fists I can smash through planets,
Plunging through the core,
Tearing at heat itself,
I am the fiery lightning, the electric beast,
I can paint with the stars,
And wield the sun,
Blazing through time with fire and hate,
I can build, I can destroy,
I can create, I can crush,
I can trample the Earth,
And everything in it,
I am the dragon, the demon,
The flaming eyes of God,
I see all & I know the Earth,
The world is mine in my werewolf state,
And I pine for the thorns,
As I crush the rose that dies,
I am the devil warlord,
The screaming banshee of blood,
I am the manic monster,
And the Earth is mine!
As I fly with the flame,
Up to the darkened sun filled sky,
And I fall back to Earth,
Crashing through Darkness,
Plunging through shadow,
Till I smash on the rocks below…
Then there is darkness,
The bitter light is gone,
And I am left melting,
In the stabbing acid glare of a citrus bulb,
My mind is dripping through a sieve,
What was once a tight knot is unravelling,
I can feel a damp coffin around me,
I am decaying alive.
Melting into the foul earth,
My eyes, once flame are now liquid,
Warmly dripping down my cheeks,
I am blind and cold,
The light is gone and my blood is stale,
I am the squashed insect between your fingers,
I am the miserably failed road kill,
Crushed,
Void of smiles,
Void of life,.
I slither in the mud.
My skin is leaving me,
Unshielded as the birds peck at my bloody flesh,
Trodden by the snail crusher,
Weak at the neck,
Hanging from the cliff,
Nailed to my grave,
Trapped inside my hole,
Prisoner to my mind,
Melted into darkness,
Where God is left behind,
Truly alone and abandoned to hell,
There is nothing but gloom,
And death from the well,
So crushed and beguiled,
I cry with my blood,
And then I tear myself up from the ground!
As I fly up again,
The diamond kite,
The electric firework charge, soaring through the starry bleak,
Blazing through the sky again,
Tearing the air asunder as I wail,
I am the reaper’s fiery blade,
Beautiful & crazy,
With a hunger,
For Death,
And Blood.
Monday, 3 September 2007
Jason Pegler Introduction
Jason Pegler is one of the most inspirational mental health empowerment speakers in the world. He is probably unique in his openness about using his own mental illness as a positive force, in order to lead a generation of people to be empowered. They can do this by confronting their mental illness and therefore taking the first steps to recovery.
Jason has had a fascinating life, from being the captain of his school chess and rugby team and a potential Oxbridge candidate to being diagnosed with manic depression at the age of 17. He masterminded the leading autobiography on mental health of his generation "A Can of Madness", published in 2002.
Quickly realising that he could encourage others, Jason set up Chipmunkapublishing "The Mental Health Publisher", as a social enterprise, to give a voice to the mental health service users that had not had a real voice before. This led to selling and marketing opportunities in the Mental Health and Corporate Sectors as well as national and international media coverage. In just 5 years Jason has become a living legend in the world mental health survivor movement creating the world's first mental health brand Chipmunka. Jason Pegler is recognised as the leading thinker and activist of his generation in the world of mental health empowerment. Jason Pegler ground-breaking autobiography on living with manic depression "A Can of Madness" has been given a five star review in the Times Literary Supplement. He regards meeting people and public speaking as his forte. He is a dynamic public speaker, lecturer and consultant on a myriad of mental health and related issues. He has written for more than one hundred newspapers, periodicals, magazines worldwide. He regularly appears on television, radio and documentaries discussing mental health issues.
What clients say:
Jason Pegler is a great example to many people. He has a presentable manner and is always inspiring. The Right Honourable Tony Benn
We applaud Jason Pegler's motivation, endeavours and his determination to succeed in this difficult area". Marjorie Wallace Chief Executive of Sane Wow what an inspirational speaker. Makes you feel that you can help the whole world by being a humanitarian. Paul Brandwood - Corporate Social Responsibility at KPMG UK.
Pegler speaks with honesty, openness and integrity. He is revolutionary in the world of mental ill health. Book him now. Andrew Latchford - Co Founder of Chipmunkapublishing, Co Founder of Chipmunka Foundation and European Business Consultant
I regularly advise my students to go and hear him speak. Pegler has a gift that many aspire to. He fundamentally believes that you can change your life and cure yourself from mental illness and he is living proof that you can prove it. Dr. T. Davies - Consultant Psychiatrist and Editor of ABC of Mental Health
A truly amazing speaker. I wish everyone could hear Jason speak. It would change the way they think about people with mental illness. G. Taylor - Astra Zeneca
Having heard Jason Pegler speak I had the confidence to write my own story, which began as a suicide note and ended up a celebration of life. He has helped me more than anyone. Dolly Sen - Film producer and author of four books including the "The World Is Full of Laughter".
Jason Pegler is inspirational to a great many people in the UK service user movement. I am amazed how he does it. Paul Farmer - Chief Executive of Mind
I highly recommend Jason Pegler as a social entrepreneur and public speaker. Fantastic.John Bird - Founder of the Big Issue
One of the most forward thinking and inspirational motivational speakers in the world today. The leader of a new breed of empowerment thinking. Professor Sir Harvey Crichton - Founder of the Crichton Group.
For further information on this speaker, please call: 0870 766 9535
MORE ABOUT THE FOUNDER OF THE WORLD's FIRST MENTAL HEALTH BRAND !
His expertise is mental health. When he was seventeen years of age he spent six months in a psychiatric ward in Coney Hill Mental Hospital in Gloucester in the United Kingdom. After six weeks of mania where he thought he had taken 5 billion Ecstasy tablets to create world peace, Jason's first realisation that he was actually not well and in a mental hospital. He had a vision. He knew that one day he would have to gather enough strength to tell the world how he felt. By doing this he could stop the pain and humiliation that he and everyone else with a mental illness felt. His immediate thought was that his experiences and feelings needed to be recorded as they happened- on the largest platform possible. Then and only then would other people understand and therefore empathise with the "loonies" in Coney Hill. It took Jason four manic episodes before he was bold enough to change his thought processes and act on his vision. Jason graduated from Manchester University with a 2:1 in Classical Studies in 1998 before writing his autobiography on living with manic depression (1998 - 2002) "A Can of Madness", and setting up Chipmunkapublishing with co-founder Andrew Latchford.
Released on April 13th 2002 with help from the British Government's Mind Millennium Award Programme "A Can of Madness" was immediately recognised as a ground breaking text and compared favorably to Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation and Kay Redfield Jamieson's An Unquiet Mind. It also became an underground text symptomatic of saving the ecstasy generation from its own "mental illness" and continues to spread its influence over the globe.
In October 2002 Chipmunkapublishing launched its second author Dolly Sen who was inspired to write her autobiography The World Is Full of Laughter after reading A Can of Madness.
"My goal in life is to tell the truth about my life, tell the truth about how people with mental health issues are treated by society, the mental health system, the state and the status quo. I want others to follow in my footsteps and help me break down the taboo on mental health once and for all." Jason Pegler.
Various documentaries, film versions and scripts featuring Jason Pegler and his related projects are underway. The ultimate goal is for the story to become a feature length blockbuster movie. Then the widest audience will be reached.
Jason Pegler knows from the letters he and other Chipmunkapublishing authors have received that their mental health publishing is making a positve impact in society:
"By telling the truth about one's mental health issues, sufferers are able to deal with the humiliation and carers are able to see how best to help their loved ones. Writing and reading books about mental health users is a cathartic processes that is crucial for the reduction of stigma and discrimination and for the improved state of mind for service users. The books also help give insight to mental health staff as they reveal how thier patient's feel and are a morale booster for staff showing that people do get better".
Jason Pegler has worked recently with:
ITVBBCEMISONYBMWSimon and Schuster MicrosoftUnltd The Big IssueMen's Health MagazineKPMGCommunity Action NetworkEC3 SolutionsRethinkMindSaneThere There MagazineThe NHS Tree EventsDisability Rights CommissionThe European ParliamentThe World Health OrganisationMPs and Lords on The Mental Health BillLondon Development CentreNIMHENHS
Vision: Words from the CEO Jason Pegler:
"The ultimate vision of Chipmunka Group is to prove that everyone on earth has a mental illness at some level. Then and only then will we have normalised mental health so that in fifty years someone with a mental illness will not have to feel humiliated for being mentally ill. At the age of seventeen I was diagnosed with manic depression and my world was turned upside down. After living in a mental hospital for six weeks I suddenly realised that I was not playing the football manager in the computer game. It took me months to realise that a nuclear war was not going on and that I was not God.
The moment I realised I had a mental illness I had a mission and a dream.
My mission was to one day tell the whole world about the humiliation and guilt that i had for having had all those idiotic manic thoughts. Celebrating my madness was the only way I could psychoanalyse myself and become better. I saw my story as a Hollywood movie not for my own ego but because being in a psychiatric ward changed me as a person. It made me more sensitive, I wanted to help people and stop another seventeen year old from going through the same pain that I went through. Until I was living in a mental hospital I couldn't have cared less what is was like for people who lived in places like that and experienced 'mental illness'.
For me then and still today Hollywood was the greatest medium to change the way people thought about the internet. This was in 1993. We are fortunate now that we also have the internet to enable people for the first time in history to be producers and not just consumers of information.
The moment i came down from mania a frisson went through my body that i had to help everyone else in the ward. This is a natural feeling for anyone who goes through this kind of pain. If you doubt it just ask them. It was immediately evident that society was the cause of the humiliation that these people were going through. People are alienated when they are not understood. This is how the status quo operates. Without it there would be anarchy.
The Mental Health Movement is still in its infancy even though 'mental illness' has been around since the beginning of time. People who are different have always been alienated but do not always have to be. In fact is contravenes civil liberties to assume that people are ill when they are not. People need help when they are alienated but their characters are not fundamentally flawed if they behave differently. The status quo throughout history has fed us with propaganda telling that they are 'mentally ill' as a form of social control and then clouding the real voice of those who suffer.
I set up Chipmunka to give a voice to the mentally ill. The plight of the mentally ill improves with every generation in the sense that we are not put in prison with murderers anymore. Yet the facts are that global mental illness will always be on the increase in our life times. By 2020 mental illness will be the second most common form of death second only to heart disease. Mental health is becoming part of the social norm and with this the influence of the patient will increase. We are in a transitional period in history where people who are 'mentally ill' must publically be given approval to control their own lives. There must be no hidden agenda's but an open arm policy calling for humanitarian treatment across mental health services and in society.
For me the role of the mental health patient is exactly the same as that of the civil rights activists in the 1960s. For charities, the media and governments to campaign for the mentally ill without having patients dictate the terms is irrational and ethically wrong. If Martin Luther King JNR was a white man talking about black people's experiences then no-one would have listened to him. The same is true with the history of the 'the mentally ill'.
The role of Chipmunka is to change the way people think about mental health and to treat it as normal. Some people will need to be subliminally influenced, others can be encouraged to be more empathetic or get pro actively involved. The reality is that we are all human beings at the end of the day and are all vulnerable constantly experiencing 'mental distress' or other either consciously or unconsciously worrying about a finite existence whether we believe in existentialist philosophy god, being or the after life itself.
Help us to help more people and donate your energy, time and money to becoming a supporter of the world's first mental health brand. Creating a brand is the best way to stop the rising number of suicides. Remember we feel your pain and/or indifference otherwise wwe ould be dedicating my entire life to something completely different."
Jason has had a fascinating life, from being the captain of his school chess and rugby team and a potential Oxbridge candidate to being diagnosed with manic depression at the age of 17. He masterminded the leading autobiography on mental health of his generation "A Can of Madness", published in 2002.
Quickly realising that he could encourage others, Jason set up Chipmunkapublishing "The Mental Health Publisher", as a social enterprise, to give a voice to the mental health service users that had not had a real voice before. This led to selling and marketing opportunities in the Mental Health and Corporate Sectors as well as national and international media coverage. In just 5 years Jason has become a living legend in the world mental health survivor movement creating the world's first mental health brand Chipmunka. Jason Pegler is recognised as the leading thinker and activist of his generation in the world of mental health empowerment. Jason Pegler ground-breaking autobiography on living with manic depression "A Can of Madness" has been given a five star review in the Times Literary Supplement. He regards meeting people and public speaking as his forte. He is a dynamic public speaker, lecturer and consultant on a myriad of mental health and related issues. He has written for more than one hundred newspapers, periodicals, magazines worldwide. He regularly appears on television, radio and documentaries discussing mental health issues.
What clients say:
Jason Pegler is a great example to many people. He has a presentable manner and is always inspiring. The Right Honourable Tony Benn
We applaud Jason Pegler's motivation, endeavours and his determination to succeed in this difficult area". Marjorie Wallace Chief Executive of Sane Wow what an inspirational speaker. Makes you feel that you can help the whole world by being a humanitarian. Paul Brandwood - Corporate Social Responsibility at KPMG UK.
Pegler speaks with honesty, openness and integrity. He is revolutionary in the world of mental ill health. Book him now. Andrew Latchford - Co Founder of Chipmunkapublishing, Co Founder of Chipmunka Foundation and European Business Consultant
I regularly advise my students to go and hear him speak. Pegler has a gift that many aspire to. He fundamentally believes that you can change your life and cure yourself from mental illness and he is living proof that you can prove it. Dr. T. Davies - Consultant Psychiatrist and Editor of ABC of Mental Health
A truly amazing speaker. I wish everyone could hear Jason speak. It would change the way they think about people with mental illness. G. Taylor - Astra Zeneca
Having heard Jason Pegler speak I had the confidence to write my own story, which began as a suicide note and ended up a celebration of life. He has helped me more than anyone. Dolly Sen - Film producer and author of four books including the "The World Is Full of Laughter".
Jason Pegler is inspirational to a great many people in the UK service user movement. I am amazed how he does it. Paul Farmer - Chief Executive of Mind
I highly recommend Jason Pegler as a social entrepreneur and public speaker. Fantastic.John Bird - Founder of the Big Issue
One of the most forward thinking and inspirational motivational speakers in the world today. The leader of a new breed of empowerment thinking. Professor Sir Harvey Crichton - Founder of the Crichton Group.
For further information on this speaker, please call: 0870 766 9535
MORE ABOUT THE FOUNDER OF THE WORLD's FIRST MENTAL HEALTH BRAND !
His expertise is mental health. When he was seventeen years of age he spent six months in a psychiatric ward in Coney Hill Mental Hospital in Gloucester in the United Kingdom. After six weeks of mania where he thought he had taken 5 billion Ecstasy tablets to create world peace, Jason's first realisation that he was actually not well and in a mental hospital. He had a vision. He knew that one day he would have to gather enough strength to tell the world how he felt. By doing this he could stop the pain and humiliation that he and everyone else with a mental illness felt. His immediate thought was that his experiences and feelings needed to be recorded as they happened- on the largest platform possible. Then and only then would other people understand and therefore empathise with the "loonies" in Coney Hill. It took Jason four manic episodes before he was bold enough to change his thought processes and act on his vision. Jason graduated from Manchester University with a 2:1 in Classical Studies in 1998 before writing his autobiography on living with manic depression (1998 - 2002) "A Can of Madness", and setting up Chipmunkapublishing with co-founder Andrew Latchford.
Released on April 13th 2002 with help from the British Government's Mind Millennium Award Programme "A Can of Madness" was immediately recognised as a ground breaking text and compared favorably to Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation and Kay Redfield Jamieson's An Unquiet Mind. It also became an underground text symptomatic of saving the ecstasy generation from its own "mental illness" and continues to spread its influence over the globe.
In October 2002 Chipmunkapublishing launched its second author Dolly Sen who was inspired to write her autobiography The World Is Full of Laughter after reading A Can of Madness.
"My goal in life is to tell the truth about my life, tell the truth about how people with mental health issues are treated by society, the mental health system, the state and the status quo. I want others to follow in my footsteps and help me break down the taboo on mental health once and for all." Jason Pegler.
Various documentaries, film versions and scripts featuring Jason Pegler and his related projects are underway. The ultimate goal is for the story to become a feature length blockbuster movie. Then the widest audience will be reached.
Jason Pegler knows from the letters he and other Chipmunkapublishing authors have received that their mental health publishing is making a positve impact in society:
"By telling the truth about one's mental health issues, sufferers are able to deal with the humiliation and carers are able to see how best to help their loved ones. Writing and reading books about mental health users is a cathartic processes that is crucial for the reduction of stigma and discrimination and for the improved state of mind for service users. The books also help give insight to mental health staff as they reveal how thier patient's feel and are a morale booster for staff showing that people do get better".
Jason Pegler has worked recently with:
ITVBBCEMISONYBMWSimon and Schuster MicrosoftUnltd The Big IssueMen's Health MagazineKPMGCommunity Action NetworkEC3 SolutionsRethinkMindSaneThere There MagazineThe NHS Tree EventsDisability Rights CommissionThe European ParliamentThe World Health OrganisationMPs and Lords on The Mental Health BillLondon Development CentreNIMHENHS
Vision: Words from the CEO Jason Pegler:
"The ultimate vision of Chipmunka Group is to prove that everyone on earth has a mental illness at some level. Then and only then will we have normalised mental health so that in fifty years someone with a mental illness will not have to feel humiliated for being mentally ill. At the age of seventeen I was diagnosed with manic depression and my world was turned upside down. After living in a mental hospital for six weeks I suddenly realised that I was not playing the football manager in the computer game. It took me months to realise that a nuclear war was not going on and that I was not God.
The moment I realised I had a mental illness I had a mission and a dream.
My mission was to one day tell the whole world about the humiliation and guilt that i had for having had all those idiotic manic thoughts. Celebrating my madness was the only way I could psychoanalyse myself and become better. I saw my story as a Hollywood movie not for my own ego but because being in a psychiatric ward changed me as a person. It made me more sensitive, I wanted to help people and stop another seventeen year old from going through the same pain that I went through. Until I was living in a mental hospital I couldn't have cared less what is was like for people who lived in places like that and experienced 'mental illness'.
For me then and still today Hollywood was the greatest medium to change the way people thought about the internet. This was in 1993. We are fortunate now that we also have the internet to enable people for the first time in history to be producers and not just consumers of information.
The moment i came down from mania a frisson went through my body that i had to help everyone else in the ward. This is a natural feeling for anyone who goes through this kind of pain. If you doubt it just ask them. It was immediately evident that society was the cause of the humiliation that these people were going through. People are alienated when they are not understood. This is how the status quo operates. Without it there would be anarchy.
The Mental Health Movement is still in its infancy even though 'mental illness' has been around since the beginning of time. People who are different have always been alienated but do not always have to be. In fact is contravenes civil liberties to assume that people are ill when they are not. People need help when they are alienated but their characters are not fundamentally flawed if they behave differently. The status quo throughout history has fed us with propaganda telling that they are 'mentally ill' as a form of social control and then clouding the real voice of those who suffer.
I set up Chipmunka to give a voice to the mentally ill. The plight of the mentally ill improves with every generation in the sense that we are not put in prison with murderers anymore. Yet the facts are that global mental illness will always be on the increase in our life times. By 2020 mental illness will be the second most common form of death second only to heart disease. Mental health is becoming part of the social norm and with this the influence of the patient will increase. We are in a transitional period in history where people who are 'mentally ill' must publically be given approval to control their own lives. There must be no hidden agenda's but an open arm policy calling for humanitarian treatment across mental health services and in society.
For me the role of the mental health patient is exactly the same as that of the civil rights activists in the 1960s. For charities, the media and governments to campaign for the mentally ill without having patients dictate the terms is irrational and ethically wrong. If Martin Luther King JNR was a white man talking about black people's experiences then no-one would have listened to him. The same is true with the history of the 'the mentally ill'.
The role of Chipmunka is to change the way people think about mental health and to treat it as normal. Some people will need to be subliminally influenced, others can be encouraged to be more empathetic or get pro actively involved. The reality is that we are all human beings at the end of the day and are all vulnerable constantly experiencing 'mental distress' or other either consciously or unconsciously worrying about a finite existence whether we believe in existentialist philosophy god, being or the after life itself.
Help us to help more people and donate your energy, time and money to becoming a supporter of the world's first mental health brand. Creating a brand is the best way to stop the rising number of suicides. Remember we feel your pain and/or indifference otherwise wwe ould be dedicating my entire life to something completely different."
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